The Heliskiing Crew

“You’re living at the W hotel for a month?” I asked. “That’s awesome! What are you doing here?”
“I’m a heliskiing guide.” Wow! What an amazing job. To ski, ride around in a helicopter, and live at an awesome hotel in Santiago. “I’ll see you around,” said the guide with a flirtatious grin. He headed to the bar to catch up with the rest of his group. I returned to my dad.
“Do you want to stay and get another drink,” my dad asked me. He knew that I was hoping to go out and he didn’t want to so he was happy that I might have some people to hang out with. I went back to the bar and ordered myself a strawberry mojito with no sugar. It was the best drink that I’d ever had in my life. I don’t like sweet drinks but without the sugar it was the perfect ratio of bitter to sweet. And I got to eat strawberries!

The British woman that I’d met in the elevator that morning said hi to me. I asked her how the skiing was. She was a part of the heliskiing group. Apparently the conditions weren’t good so they went to the beach instead. I was then introduced to her friend, a bald, British man who ran an online gambling company in Costa Rica. And another, older bald American man who also lived there.

My dad came back down with a glass of wine and started talking to this tan, buff guy from California. Apparently, according to the group, he was a great surfer. And he introduced me to his sister who was gorgeous. She was tan with sparkling blue eyes and shiny, perfectly curled hair. And pretty big arm muscles but not in a gross way.
I ordered a whiskey on the rocks for myself and started talking to the Cali guy. Apparently he and his sister didn’t pay to go heliskiing but we’re just here with their uncle. Their uncle wasn’t around that night but apparently he was really funny. My dad went to bed followed by a bunch of the group. Pretty soon it was just me, the Cali guy, his sister, and the heli-guide. The guide had a nicer face than the Cali guy. It was chiseled and very proportional. But he and the sister were flirting.

“Why don’t you and Sabrina go see the roof. It’s so beautiful up there!” Suggested the sister to the Cali guy and I. What a cool sister! He was sort of hesitant but then agreed. We ordered a drink up there and started making out a bit. Then the sister and guide came and joined us.

Brown out

I’m riding Cali guy in his room.

“Sorry I didn’t shave. I’m really embarrassed. But I forgot my razor and just got one.” I always shave. I think girl’s pubic hair is gross. But there I was. All gross. And I was wearing pretty ugly underwear. I only buy cute underwear but this 1 time a Victoria Secret package accidentally got delivered to my room and I needed underwear so I took it. I definitely wasn’t prepared to be having sex.
Brown out

“Ok, you HAVE to get out,” Cali guy said to me. I threw the sheets over my face.

“But I don’t know what room I’m in.”

“Just go to reception!” What was I thinking? I had to get back or my dad would know what I did. But I resisted. He didn’t want me there naked when his sister got back which was pretty understandable. Finally I left.

I woke up the next morning embarrassed about how clingy and annoying I’d been. But there wasn’t anything that I could do about it but hope not to run into the Cali guy.

Sunday Funday Lived Up to the Hype

After I got my Irish coffee, the only drink that I could fathom swallowing at 11AM, I got online for my Sunday Funday tank. Sunday Funday was rebound as the biggest party in Central America and it started at my hostel, the Naked Tiger. I wished that I wasn’t so hungover from drinking morning to night the day prior but I was going to push through. I selected an XL black tank so that I could throw it over my bikini like a dress. 

This is Emma, not me, but we got the same shirt

I went outside to the pool to find 2 of the guys in ridiculously tight, tiny boys shorts, one with a tiger on the butt and another with a snake in front of his dick.

 I complimented them on their attire and they asked me to take a picture of them. As I held the phone out, our Aussie friend, Booze, did a flip into the pool. Today was going to be a fun day. “Come upstairs,” said Matt, the guy from Cali that I was hooking up with. I got up there and Amy was distributing the MDMA. This was going to get me through the day. Well, hopefully. Sometimes it makes me sick. 

The first bar was on the beach and had a big pool. Matt bought me a drink and we talked for a bit. Then I saw Lucy and Layla, my British friends who seemed to be at every stop that I went to. 

Can you tell that I was rolling?

They were with their guy friends from England who were apparently on a different travel path because I’d never met them before. The guys were fun though. They’d cut their Sunday Funday tanks into crop tops. Only the Brits.

 After a couple of drinks and some chats with strangers, I went to go find Matt. He was heading to the beach with Booze (which was just a quick jump over the 1 foot fence) and I decided to join him. 

“Booze, you have the best butt,” commented Matt. “Sabrina, feel Booze’s butt. 
“Wow! It is great! It’s so bouncy! I know another guy who has a nice looking butt but it doesn’t feel that great.” It was better than my butt! And I have a highly complimented butt. 

Matt left for a second and Booze started telling me how great I was and suggesting a 3some with him and Matt. “I’m down, talk to Matt.” I suggested. I had to pee and so did Matt. The line at the bar that we were at was super long though so I suggested that we go to the bar next door. I went to use the bathroom and Matt went after.

“Oh hey, Sabrina,” said that nasal voice that I knew all too well. I felt like Jolteon (the Pokemon.) Every hair on my body shot up. My heart raced. FUCK. It was Crazy Mac, my stalker. 

“Is that the guy that you’re with now? He’s a real step down below Rory. I know that you’re easy but I think that he’s an all time low for you.”

I was heating up. I never get angry or defensive but at that moment all I could think was “who are you to judge me? You’re my fucking stalker.” But I didn’t say it. All I said was “He’s really nice. You’re an asshole.” And as soon as Matt came back, I asked him if we could go back to the beach. 

I told Matt what had happened. I was shivering in the hot sun. My jaw was clenched. I was curled up in a ball. Did I like Matt? Was it just my final straw with Crazy Mac? I didn’t know why I was so upset. Was it just because I was rolling? Matt told me to cheer up but that was the end of my “good times roll.” 

Brown out 

“Can we have sex? I think it’ll make me feel better,” I said to Matt. He did for a while. Neither of us came. I thanked him and suggested that he go back to the party. I wanted to try and sleep. 

I couldn’t fall asleep but at some point I sobered up a bit and realized that I was starving. I hadn’t eaten since breakfast and it was 9 PM. All the food was ticket based and Matt had our tickets (I’d put like $5 on his $50) so I went and found him. I got a plain dry burger and was super happy with it. Then I wandered around. Everyone was super drunk and saying hi to me. I felt super alone. I was in some weird dream fog. I felt like such a loser. I just kept on walking. Where did Matt go? 
I had a weird inclining that Matt was having sex with another girl. Maybe he thought that since I was sick, I’d just lie there like the last time. Maybe he didn’t know that I felt better.

Eventually Matt turned up. “That guy just kept talking to me. I couldn’t get away,” he said about this guy that I actually knew from a prior experience. When I was hooking up with this guy, James, in Guatemala in a hostel, he shouted at us. Well I was glad to see Matt. 

The party was moving to another hostel but the pervert gang and I decided to stay and chill. Matt and I cuddled on the couch and Ben played some old rock music that I wasn’t a huge fan of. It seemed to go on for a while. The pervert gang did some lines of coke but I opted out. After 2 days of being fucked up, I was just happy to be sober. 

“Fast car” came on Ben’s iPod. 

“This song reminds me of you,” Matt said to me. Everyone was singing along. I joined in. I had no idea why the song had to do with me but I love the song so I took it. 
Ben and Amy began cuddling. They’d been flirting for days and I was happy to see it working out for them. Singing “Fast Car,” cuddling with Matt, and watching Ben and Amy, I was the most relaxed that I’ve ever been.  
“Where’s Booze?” Asked Matt. Nobody had seen Booze in hours. But there’s wasn’t much we could do so we just went back singing. 
Suddenly our friends Emma and Matt came in practically dragging Booze. Apparently Booze had been rufied by some hookers that he was trying to buy. They’d taken his wallet. Emma and Matt were in a cab when they’d spotted him on the side of the road. The group dragged him up to bed. We stayed in the bedroom chatting, pig piling, drinking, and doing blow (which I, as usual, opted out of.) 

Sometimes I Want to be a Swinger- Hostel Che, Tulum

This is probably the most fun hostel in Tulum and Tommy and I would have loved to have stayed there if there was room. 
We signed up for the all you can eat Argentinian Bbq here and ate and drank with the people staying here. The bbq consisted of 3 types of pork, 1 dark meat chicken, potato salad and actual salad. There were no sauces (bring your own)? I didn’t like the food and left pretty hungry but regardless, it was a good time. Tommy and I were a big fans of the frozen margaritas.
There was a beautiful, blonde British guy, Andy, there who Tommy was surprisingly interested in talking to for a while. I thought that he and his friends were boring although they were all about to become doctors which is prestigious I suppose. I found myself wishing that Tommy wasn’t there though so I could hook up with him but I reminded myself that Tommy would be leaving soon enough. Tommy was talking to this blonde Aussie with big boobs, Shelby, who he seemed possibly into. They shared a love of psytranse. 

I became bored of the hostel eventually and Tommy and I left. I got the spiciest taco of my life and almost cried. I love spicy food and have a really high tolerance but this taco exceeded it. I told Tommy that I was surprised that he wanted to talk to Andy because while I found him hot, I found him pretty boring. Tommy got defensive and told me that he thought that Shelby was really hot AND interesting. 

After the taco, I wanted a burrito. I had only eaten a bite of the taco because of how spicy it was. Suddenly Shelby appeared. She wanted a burrito too. We talked for a bit and invited her back to our place. She accepted but for some reason we couldn’t find it. We decided to just go to the bar that the hostel crew had eventually made it out to. But the drinks were expensive so Tommy and I just went back to our hostel to get a drink. I wanted to finish my burrito and Tommy wanted to go back out with me. I told him to go out by himself if he wanted but I was over it. He went out and I went on Tinder. I left swiped aggressively. So aggressively that I passed right by Andy. Fuck. Tommy came back right away. Apparently he’d just gone out for ice so we could make drinks. We had sex and went to bed. 

Mezcal Hostel, Cancun

The Mezcal hostel is sort of pricey for a hostel ($15 USD/mixed dorm) but includes breakfast and dinner. Both are small meals and each person gets 1 serving but you could probably wait until the end and get whatever is left. They also have A.C., provide towels and make your bed up. They have wifi but only in the common areas because they want you to socialize.
It’s a party atmosphere. The bartender gave us free shots just for saying hi. Drinks are 10-15 pesos (less than $1) or $6 for an open bar between 8:30 and 11pm. And they play drinking games. We met a lot of really cool people there including some girls that were going to be moving to cancun, a scuba diving instructor, and a couple who had just traveled through Central America.

_________________________________________________

Fun: 10/10 fiestas

Amenities: 9/10

Food: 6/10 feasts (good but small meals)

 

Italian Guy in the Weed Closet

He was in a 3 year relationship with a girl in Italy that he cheated on regularly. Perfect for a rebound- its not like I wanted to date someone who hardly speaks English anyway but it makes for a hot hook up. 

I third-wheeled with Bitch Dani and her boyfriend Ian on Friday. We went to a frat house in Brooklyn called “The Chocolate Factory.”

It was an African American jazz frat. I was pretty set on having sex since it had been a month since Kyle and I broke up and I still hadn’t had a rebound. To be fair, I’d been out 2 nights since then- one with a grenade on a weekday and the other I had to leave early because my friend Spencer punched a guy and got us kicked out. But I was feeling pretty shitty and didn’t know if guys still wanted me. The fact that I was stuck next Dani and her boy slobbering on each other definitely amped up my desire.

This is what Dani and Ian looked like

Unfortunately every guy was ugly and gay and Dani, my supposed wing-woman, was busy. So I chugged my 40 (I brought it myself because there was no way I was going  to drink jungle juice) and hoped I’d get drunk enough to be able to ignore the excessive PDA.

I thought that it would be easier to talk to someone in the weed closet where there were like 6 people smoking so I went inside. In the corner, there was a cute guy looking bored so I said my signature line, “you look bored.”

“My English is no good” he said with a thick Italian accent. Jackpot! We started making small talk to the best of his abilities. Stephano was a 25 year old musician who came to NY because Italy was boring. He was in a 3 year relationship with a girl in Italy that he cheated on regularly. Perfect for a rebound- it’s not like I wanted to date someone who hardly speaks English anyway but it makes for a hot hookup. Plus he was definitely going to be the only 25 year old at a freshman party. I was 20 but didn’t particularly want to sleep with some inexperienced 18 year old baby.

Our conversation was interrupted when my wing-woman came to help me out. She was pretty proud of herself for finding me a guy. Good on Dani.

Stephano and I decided to head to his place in Harlem. It turned out he lived right near my ex Ben’s who was the guy I dated before Kyle. But anyway, Stephano and I had sex, fell asleep, and I peed in his bed. He flipped the mattress, gave me some shorts and we went back to bed. Apparently it was no big deal, he took me to breakfast the next morning

Matt Nets Game

We made an eloquent entrance into Maddie’s party by shoving our tongues down each others throats.

My dad’s creepy but extremely helpful friend, Brian, contacted me while I was at my internship inviting me to a Nets game. He wanted me to meet a girl that he was dating who worked for Victoria’s Secret. I was studying fashion at the time so he was hoping that I’d network with her. He was pretty insistent that I go because she was “annoying” and he was going to break up with her as soon as he could work up the courage. I agreed given that I love Victoria Secret and that he had box seats. 

I arrived happy to see a full bottle of whiskey awaiting my presence. I conversed with the Victoria Secret lady, who was annoying, for a bit before I decided to pour myself a Jack on the Rocks. Waiting behind me was a guy with a shaved head who looked to be about my age. He wanted Jack too.

We got to talking and it turned out that Matt was a year older than me and had gone to my high school. He studied to be a photographer in college but was now part of the paparazzi. He said that he hated it. We talked about our high school for a while and ended up getting pretty drunk.

After the game, I had plans to go to my friend, Maddie’s birthday in Brooklyn so I invited him. We decided to steal the bottle of whiskey in my purse on our way out.

We made an eloquent entrance into Maddie’s party by shoving our tongues down each others throats. Everyone else was sober because it wasn’t even 10PM yet and I could tell that my friends were judging me. So I distanced myself a bit and began talking to other people at the party. 

Matt became pretty clingy and it seemed that none of my friends were really loving him. Eventually, after it became clear that I was just as bothered, if not more, by his presence, my friend Spencer tricked him into leaving.

Matt spent the next few years texting me despite my lack of responses. At first he’d text me constantly, then eventually it dwindled to an occasional text.

Unique & Remarkable Jobs Abroad on Workaway.info

About Workaway: Workaway.info is a site that connects you to an abundance of host families across the world. It’s similar to woofing if you want to do farm work but there are many other jobs offered as well. It costs $30 for 2 years as a member. The majority of jobs are volunteer but provide you with room and board.

I worked in Sessello, Italy (in the Liguria region) on a farm which was an amazing experience which I’ll discuss another time. But since then I have searched the site and found some pretty cool hosts out there which I’ll share with you today.

1. Fix Boats and Join a Boat Community in London

   Why it’s cool-You’ll learn to build and fix boats right in London! You’re not in the middle of nowhere. You’re in London! “The barge is home to a large community of people (ten or more, depending on who’s about!) The crew consist of artists, teachers, musicians, writers, builders and film makers.” says Sam, the workaway host. This is nice because you will meet a variety of creative people. And there’s a TREEHOUSE build for workawayers! “David is such a patient, highly skilled, natural teacher,” says Sophie in her review. He has nothing but positive reviews

2. Hang with Monkeys, Guide Canoe Tours, and Bartend in a Venezuelan Jungle

   

   

   

   Your cabin

   

   Kayak in your free time

   Work bartending, guiding canoe tours, and maintaining the lodge in a jungle in Venezuela. I think that the pictures speak for themselves but here’s what previous workawayers say about it: “We saw toucans, monkeys, parrots or dolphins on a daily basis,” say. Chloe and Simon “We also went to visit the waraos (indians) communities and we learned a lot from their ways of living,” says Aude.

3. Play in waterfalls, visit elephant camps, & build a jacuzzi at an eco-resort in Thailand

   

   

   

   4. Join a Tipi Village in India

   Help build tipis and rescue animals! “We are 50 meters from Arambol beach, in a quiet nature area on the banks of a small river with eagles and otters nearby, there is alot to do nearby, yoga, shops, restaurants, music, we like musicians and regularly have jam sessions around the fire with the musical community here.”

5. Travel Through Europe on a Barge

“I’m traveling by inland river barge (boat) through Europe, especially France, Belgium and Holland. The barge is an original Dutch built péniche and made for the old French channels. I still transport cargo and I am the third generation of a shipper family from both sides of my parents,” explains William, your potential host.

6. Work at a Treehouse Hostel in Nicaragua

“We open Wednesday for a jungle cinema night, Thursday for Open mic night live shows & have our wild “Porque No?” parties Friday to Sunday morning,” they explain. “Great people, great parties, great monkeys!!” says Lottie, a former volunteer here.

Celebrating my 21st B-day with a Hawaiian Bachelor Party and McLovin

“Those guys over there invited us to some party tonight- in Queen’s Center. It’s one of their birthdays.” said the blonde Texas girl.

“No way! Tonight’s my birthday too. I wanna get myself invited!”

“Just come with us. They don’t know who’s in our group.”

“Thanks! Who’s party is it?”

“It’s that big group over there.” They appear trashy but I don’t mind. I am determined to party on my 21st birthday. Even if I’m stranded on an island swarming with little children.

I text my sister, Juliette to come to the pool ASAP because I made friends with two girls from Texas. It’s 3:06, happy hour, so I head to the bar. The brunette Texas girl informs me that the drink of the day is some banana ice-cream thing. I order mine sans ice-cream. The girls look at me like I just asked the bartender for well gin. But if I’m full, I won’t get as intoxicated. And I’m not a huge dairy fan. I flash my fake for one of the last times and room charge. I love room charge! I sit back next to the 2 Texas girls.

“She doesn’t have anyone to hang out with, the brunette says to two women that are arriving. They seem older. I’m feeling pretty uncomfortable so I down my banana drink.

I spot Juliette and walk over to her. “Let’s get drinks!” I order us each one of those banana things.

“No ice cream in yours?” the bartender asks. I nod.

I introduce the Texas group to my sister.

“Hey, we heard you’re having a party tonight. Can we come?” I ask one of the guys from the big group. How could a guy say no to me? Especially this guy. He had greasy hair that would have qualified as a bob if it wasn’t slicked to his forehead. He wasn’t exactly chubby but he certainly wasn’t toned. “It’s my birthday tonight.”

“Of course!” He keeps talking. I can’t interpret many of his slurred words but somewhere in the sea of nonsense he offers me a drink. I ask for a third banana slushie and he gets a Corona. He pours the can into a cup and begins complaining about the foam.

“I can help,” I offer. The head was definitely excessive. “I love foam.” I chug his foam and return to my drink. The cash he pays with has cheese goo on it. What a sanitary guy.

He tells me how hot it that was that I drank his foam. Awesome- I get props for drinking his drink. Not that I want this guy. He also tells me that it’s hot for a girl to approach them and how rarely that happens. He begins telling me his life story- he’s a local who lives on the south side of the island. The big group is all here for there friend’s birthday. They rented a room. He invites me to the hotel room he’d rented.

“I should wait for my sister,” I reply. Juliette had gone to change into a bathing suit. I’m thankful to have an excuse escape from this guy.

“So am I gonna see you later?” he asks. I confirm and give him my number.

“Let’s try and round up a crew for my birthday,” I suggest.

“Did I hear that it’s your birthday tonight,” I hear a voice from over by the pool. “It’s his birthday too. We’re going to Sansei- you guys should come yeah? It’s in Queens Shopping center.” The guys are Hawaiian- one of them is really big. Hawaiian isn’t really my type but I figure that we’ll probably be running into them tonight anyway since that’s where we’re supposed to go anyway. I decide to be friendly and tell them that we’re going there and we’d see them later.

” After we’re going to our condo. That’s where the real party is,” says the big Hawaiian.

“Um, maybe,” Juliette replies with a quivering voice.

I decide that since we have plans, we should go invite people. I point out the cute guy taking pictures at the dolphin place to Juliette. I want him to come. Or just to go out with him since none of the people that we’re going out with seem as cool. We sit and watch him take pictures of kids hugging dolphins for a while.

  I call him Kyle because he looks like my ex- he’s blonde and blue eyed with a sweet “nice boy” face. I wave to the guy and he smiles.

Brown in
“Jagerbombs! You have to, it’s your birthday!” one of the Hawaiian guys says confidently. Where is our original group? I want out. Juliette and I are sitting at a long table at Santes for a combination birthday/ bachelor party. There are probably 13 guys. I only recognize the big one from the pool. I down the Jagerbomb trying not to convulse.

“Meredith!” I scream. A curly haired brunette sitting with a man who I assume is her husband looks over.

“We were going to sing “Baby got Back” right after you. Could we just be your background singers?” I ask. I always vowed that if I ever do karaoke, I would rap that song. I have a pretty bad voice.
Brown out

Brown in
“I like big butts and I cannot lie.” Meredith, Juliette, and I each have our own microphone. Meredith thought we should all sing equally.
Brown out

Brown In
Suddenly I notice the locals from the pool are here! And there’s one cute guy. But they’re heading outside for a smoke break. The cute guy invites me outside.

“I love smoke breaks!”

“Do you want a cigarette?” he asks.

“No, I don’t smoke but I love being outside.”

“We’re actually heading out. We can give you a ride.”

“Really? Thanks! We were going to call a cab…”

Juliette decides that she doesn’t trust this guy so she takes his ID and puts it in her bra. What a good flirting technique! I’m impressed. The guy’s name is Max.

“It looks like McLovin’s ID!” I exclaim. From… What’s that movie?” he doesn’t look like a dork though. He’s 6’6, has brown hair, blue eyes, and a killer body. Oh and chiseled cheek bones.

As we’re walking to the car, I pull out a habanero flavored lollipop. “It’s spicy, try it!” I say to Max. He licks it and makes a face.

“I’d rather taste this,” he says and leans in. We begin making out. I get shotgun as Max drives. Juliette sits in the back with a skinny Hawaiian cowboy.
Brown out

Brown In
“You have a tight ass.” Max says as he continues to squeeze it.

“Thanks! Let’s go in the hottub!” I remove my rainbow miniskirt, then my sandals
and jump in.

“Owe! Sorry!”

“Don’t be sorry” he says.

He’s huge! He shifts my thong slightly to the right as he thrust deeper inside me.

“Oh my God!” I exclaim. I continue to bounce inside him. I think there are Japanese kids playing in the pool now but whatever.

Brown Out

Brown in
“Yeah beers good,” I say. How did we get to the hotel room? Did we finish having sex? I see Juliette on a bench with the cowboy.

Black out

 

The Blonde Colombian

This was going to be my second Couchsurfing host named Sebastian. Sebastian was my favorite name growing up because I knew a hot Argentinean boy named Sebastian. I just couldn’t resist selecting Couchsurfing hosts with that name. In the US, nobody’s named Sebastian. I had to take advantage.

A ghostly pale, blonde guy opened the door for me. Was Sebastian even Colombian? I thought that I should probably start reading people’s profiles rather than selecting them based upon their name.

We introduced ourselves and he didn’t have an accent.

“Are you Colombian?” I blurted out.

“Why because I’m blonde?”

“Well yeah, but also, you don’t really have an accent.”

“If you haven’t noticed, people in Medellin look different from other Colombians. We are much lighter. I’m not the only blonde. And my family is Colombian but I was born in Austria. And I lived in Florida when I was younger. So my accent is not so strong.”

Sebastian showed me the room where I could put my stuff down. He had two extra rooms in his place! He explained that his family used to live in the apartment with him but they moved to Bogota for his father’s career. So now he utilized the spare rooms by hosting volunteers for some club that he was a member of and he had just begun hosting couchsurfers.

“Have you tried Aguardiente?” Sebastian asked.

“Yeah! I actually really like it! It seems like most Colombians don’t really like it though.”

“Yeah I’ve gotten too drunk off of it so many times.” Sebastian offered for me to help him finish off his rum. I’m not a big rum fan so I drank my half a glass of rum on the rocks pretty slowly.

I was staring at a photograph of a brunette boy in a picture frame.

“That’s my brother,” he said. “He looks much more Colombian than I do. I have a theory that when I was born in Austria, the mid-wife switched me with another baby.” I examined Sebastian’s 2 pools of water, his porcelain skin, and his fine bleached blonde hair. He definitely looked much more Austrian than Colombian. “In Austria, they didn’t even have doctors or nurses handling us. Just midwives.” I wondered if maybe his mother had just had an affair but I wasn’t going to say that.

Eventually he suggested that we purchase some aguardiente.

“But I thought that you don’t like it.” I protested.

“I do sometimes.” I think that he was just trying to appease me. When we arrived at the bodega, he ordered us the sugarless kind because he said the sugar one gives people hangovers. I preferred that anyway. He asked for the plastic shot glasses with the Aguartiente.

When we got back he poured us each a shot. “We call this guardo,” he said. The “d” sound was practically non-existent so it sounded like “guaro,” but it was spelled “guardo.” ” And we like to drink it out of these cheap shot glasses.”

“That’s a huge carton!” I exclaimed. I hadn’t really noticed that before. Some guy told me that if you open a bottle, you have to finish it. Is that true?”

“Somebody wanted to get you drunk,” he smiled.

“Well it didn’t matter. The guy ended up getting wasted and breaking and spilling most of the bottle.”

“Prost,” Sebastian said lifting his shot.

“Prost,” I said and we downed the guardo.

“The 1st shot is easy. The second 1 is the hardest and then the third is better,” he explained.

“I don’t know. I think that they get worst every shot. But I agree that the 1st one is the best.”

“It’s my cousin’s birthday and she wants me to go to a club in a mall. Would you want to come?”

“Sure. It’s in a mall?”

“Yeah there’s a mall and the top floor is all clubs.”

We drank a few more guardo shots and headed to the club. His cousin and her friends were upstairs in the VIP section. The club seemed like any club in the US. It was definitely the most similar to the US of anywhere that I’d been in Colombia. His cousin and all of her friends that were girls were beautiful. I could definitely see why people said that Colombian girls were hot being amongst this group. But the guys were definitely unimpressive. They were short and looked really young. I was beginning to appreciate Sebastian’s Austrian appearance. He had the sexual Latin personality but without the looks. And his dance moves were on point. We went downstairs to get drinks. Sebastian bought him, his cousin and her friend a birthday shot. I got a red bull vodka because I was really tired.

We went upstairs and everyone gave me a hard time about not dancing. I really hate dancing but I did appreciate the fact that everyone spoke English. I felt pretty awkward so I kept heading to the bar to get more drinks. Sebastian was a great dancer!

The next time that I went to the bar, some guy with dreads started to bother me. I politely displayed disinterest and his friend came up to me in attempts to wingman. I explained to his friend that I don’t like dancing so I wasn’t going to dance with anyone. But then the friend of dreads and I started talking about our travels. He was pretty cool! He could tell that his wingman attempt was a fail though so he went back to dreads boy.

A bit later I was on the bathroom line and dread boy’s friend came upstairs and got on the bathroom line beside me. We talk about our travels in Colombia so far.

The next thing I remember was Sebastian and his cousin doing synchronized dance moves. It was so adorable. He was making her so happy. Later I told him that I was really tired and asked if we could leave soon. He agreed and we headed out.

I just remember thinking that he was probably the hottest Colombian that I would meet since he didn’t look Colombian but had the Colombian dance moves and sex appeal. And the next morning when I woke up in the bed in the other room I could vaguely remember having sex with him.

Powder Day- Oh so soft

We got off of the rollercoaster and I looked at a text that I got from Sebastian, my Couchsurfing host. Apparently he was going to Bogota tomorrow so tonight would have to be my last night staying there.  

I told Eric the situation. “So I’m thinking that it might be because I slept with him.”

“Oh so now the cat’s out of the bag.” Sebastian also said that he would be back soon and that he and some friends were coming to his place to play x-box. That sounded really boring. I really didn’t want to go back to his place but my stuff was there.

Eric and I left Parque Norte, the amusement park, and I headed to Sebastian’s with my head down in shame.

Parque Norte

“So how was the game?” I ask Sebastian and his friends who seem zombied out on the couch.

“We lost by a lot,” replied Sebastian. He returned to talking to his friends in Spanish and playing x-box.

There was no room on the couch so I went into “my room” and looked on couchsurfing and tinder for a place to go. I needed an excuse to escape. The first person to invite me out was some guy, Oscar, from tinder. We’d been messaging for a couple of days but I didn’t know anything about him. He wanted to go out though so meeting up with him sounded good. He said he wanted to go out at 11ish and it was 8:33. Luckily he invited me to his place first so I could get out of Sebastian’s sooner. I’d been getting dressed while I was coordinating plans so by the time we had it all sorted out I was ready to go.

“Hey, is it ok if I go meet up with a friend?” I asked Sebastian.

“Yeah, of course.” So I started walking to Oscar’s. On the way I ran into a police officer who, through google translate, told me that I would be robbed on this road and to get in a cab so I did. When I arrived at the building I realized that I didn’t know the apartment number.

I attempted to ask the guard if I could borrow his telephone to call Oscar but he either said no or didn’t understand. I’m not sure which one. He looked up an Oscar living in the building and sent me to his room. I knocked on the door but it took a long time for the man the door to open. An old man in a towel opened up the door for me looking confused. Please don’t be some tinder prank!

“Lo siento,” I said to the oldie and ran back to the guard. I got out my tinder which was luckily saved on Oscar’s picture since I has no wifi. The guard recognized Oscar and sent me to the room next door. A normal guy who looks just like his picture opens the door. Thank god!

“Did you know that you have a neighbor named Oscar? A nice old man in a towel just opened the door for me,” I said smiling.

“I’m just renting this place for the weekend. I didn’t know that. That’s funny though. Do you want something to drink?”

“Sure! What do you have?”

“Rum or whiskey?”

“Whiskey! It’s hard to find in Colombia but it’s my favorite.”

“Sorry but I don’t have any mixers.”

“That’s ok. I like it on the rocks anyway. Do you have ice?”

Oscar pulled the whiskey out of the freezer and began  to pour it. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to finish it. Do you want the last of your whiskey?”

“No it’s not done. There’s just ice in the bottom.” He shook the bottle and it made a noise.

“I don’t think that’s ice. And if it is, it’s just water anyway. I don’t think whiskey would freeze. I think it’s just the slow pour making that noise.” I tried not to sound too cocky but I was pretty sure that I was right. Oscar smiled feeling a bit stupid. Then he reassured me that he prefers rum anyway.

We talked and drank for a while. Oscar told me that he was in Colombia visiting his family. He lived in Miami and was a promoter there. And we discovered that we were going to be on the same flight from Medellin to Miami! We discussed our love of Spirit. It’s shitty service and tiny seats were well worth it for the prices!

Then he began talking about how good coke in Colombia is. I told him that I hadn’t tried it because I don’t like coke. “It just gives me a hangover but doesn’t really do anything else.”

“The coke in Colombia is pure. It doesn’t give you a hangover. We’ll get some tonight.”

We decided to take a cab to a bar. We got there and the bar was closed so Oscar instructed the cab driver to go to another bar that would be fun on a Sunday night.

The cab driver took us to a bar called “Shupa Shots” that I’d been to a bunch of times.

It was completely empty that night though, likely because was Sunday. The bar was ok- it had silly shots. They had all these funny hats there though which I thought added to the experience. I immediately put on a joker hat and through some girly princess hat on Oscar and we ordered a round of shots. Pretty soon a bunch of people were in the bar with us dressed funny hats.

“We started a trend. Now everyone wants to come here.” Yeah, I found this to be a pretty normal experience. Once people see others having fun, they want to join in. But Oscar was impressed with us. We took a few more shots.

“Do you mind if I get some dinner?” I asked Oscar. Normally I don’t like to eat in front of boys that I don’t know but I hadn’t eaten since breakfast and I wasn’t really into Oscar anyway. We left shots and went to some restaurant where I ordered a burger. I don’t normally eat burgers but I don’t like Colombian food so I settled. I just didn’t want to get pass out drunk.

After, we walked into the park to look for a candy guy. I didn’t see any. Normally they were all over and were always aggressively trying to sell me candy and stuff. After a few minutes this one old man selling candy walked over to us and offered us gum. Oscar bought us some coke and told me to pay him back inside.

We walk over to a bar/ club that looks lively. We sat at a table and Oscar ordered us a bottle of rum.

“That’s so Miami promoter of you. One time I was on a cruise where I made friends with a Miami promoter and he sat at a table, just a normal table, not a club table, with his crew of girls and ordered bottles.”

“You don’t like bottles?” He asked.

“Yeah,” I responded and drank some rum. We watched some people dance salsa. Oscar asked me if I wanted to dance but I told him that I don’t like to dance. We were feeling pretty drunk after a little while and decided to close out. Oscar asked me to split the bottle with him which was kind of annoying, only because I didn’t order it.

We got in a cab and Oscar got super lost going to his place. We were probably in the cab for an hour and my buzz was fading.

“It’s no big deal though because cabs in Colombia are so cheap,” said Oscar. We finally arrived at his place and Oscar asked me to split the cab with him. Really?  

We get back to Oscar’s place and do the coke. Pretty soon we get into bed but Oscar was soft. I try blowing him but it doesn’t work. He tells me that it’s the coke. The next thing I remember is lying on the floor naked, stomach down, telling Oscar that I love the floor, that it feels so good, and that I’m going to sleep right here and now. I’m pretty sure that I was just being facetious and that it wasn’t the coke making me love the floor. He kept begging me to get up so that we could have sex. But I kept telling him that I preferred the floor because unlike his dick, it was hard.

Finally, we went to bed.

The next morning we woke up and had sex. I don’t even remember it. I mean his dick was fine but I guess it was pretty average or something. Then I told him that I had to leave because I had to get back to my Couchsurfing host’s place and grab my stuff. Which is what I did. The place seemed empty so I figured that Sebastian had left. But I couldn’t be sure. So I packed up my shit as quickly as possible and bolted out.