I Wish I Was Bi

So I just found out that another friend of mine from NYC is into girls. When she and her boyfriend broke up a few years ago, she said that she was going to try being a lesbian. I thought she was just distraught because the guy that she lost her virginity to broke her heart. But apparently she meant it because now she prefers girls to guys. My other friend, Lauren, recently became a unicorn (meaning that she’s dating a couple.) It seems like every girl these days is bi.

Guys even seem to expect it. I was with a guy that I was hooking up with the other day and he saw a girl that he thought was hot. “Are you into girls?” he asked me in a tone as if- of course I was. And he pointed out the girl to me. Most of my boyfriend, Tommy’s previous hookups were with girls that we bi or at least did a lot of E so he claims that he doesn’t mind that I’m not. 

I can appreciate a pretty girl and even distinguish “hot” from “pretty.” I enjoy playing lesbian tinder and looking at girls as if they’re trading cards. I can point out a hot girl in the bar to my friends that like girls. But I’m all talk. When it comes to girls, I don’t even want to give them a hug. The word pussy repulses me and even my own vagina grosses me out (my vagina is normal- I promise.)

I wish I was bi for the wrong reasons. Guys think it’s hot. And if almost every other female is bi, I’m at a disadvantage.

In fifth grade, practically every girl in my class began developing boobs. I figured that I would grow them later and I was just late. In seventh grade, when most girls started wearing Victoria Secret, I was anxiously waiting for my boobs to start growing. At 14, I finally got my period and figured that I at least had a year where I still had hope. And my boobs did grow a tiny bit. They kind of looked like pecs. But at some point I gave up hope for real boobs. They grew a bit in college but they’re still barely an A cup. 

My lack of boobs hasn’t exactly stopped me from hooking up. I laugh a bit when guys compliment them but for the most part I’ve learned to accept and embrace them. They’re low maintenance. 

I feel like I’m back in fifth grade but rather than all of the girls I know growing boobs, they’re coming out as bi. I haven’t come to that acceptance point regarding my being straight. I’m still hoping that maybe I’m bi. 

* Please let me know if this article is offensive. I’m not trying to judge anyone’s sexual orientation. If I am offensive, it’s just my ignorance which I would like to rid myself of

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3 thoughts on “I Wish I Was Bi

  1. It feels weird – this is definitely a step further than I ever thought the world would go. But I’m going to try to reassure you: there’s nothing wrong with being straight. Plenty of girls are straight, there’s absolutely nothing weird or gross about it.

    I almost feel like adding, “Some of my best friends are straight.”

    There’s been a lot of talk recently about girls being naturally bi. I don’t buy it. There are straight people, there are gay/lesbian people, there are bi people and there is a whole rainbow of other orientations. It’s beautiful, it’s to be embraced, but it’s not to be used as a way to make you feel inadequate because you happen to be on one end of the spectrum.

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  2. I’m a lot older than you. And had zero in women…until I did. I don’t know what changed. It just did. Anyway, having been on the zero interest end and now on the “some” interest part of the spectrum, both exist, are valid, and can change.

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