Ryan Bruises

I was at the Munich Hofbrau in Midtown East with my mom when some guy approached us. He was pretty cute and very well spoken but was telling us that he had a girlfriend so it didn’t really matter. Besides, I was with my mom. My mom and I shared one of those big beers and then my mom left.

Hofbrau-Haus-Miami-11

The guy, whose name was Ryan, came over to me again and we started talking. I told him that I liked to wrestle but just for fun and he got pretty excited. He loved to fight in good fun. And he said that his girlfriend didn’t like it.

Ryan bought me another giant beer and we talked for a while. Then he sort of invited himself to my place. I felt bad because he had a girlfriend but he didn’t seem to care so I didn’t worry about it. I was excited to fight him.

Ryan and I got right to wrestling. When he had me pinned he asked if it was cool if he put on porn. I said sure. He asked if I’d ever watched porn with a guy. I never even watched porn myself. I still don’t. I find it boring.

“Owe, stop!” I screamed as Ryan repeatedly slapped my ass. I tried to wrap my legs around him but he was a good fighter.

“Oh you like that?” He asked. “You’re a dirty slut.”

I typically find dirty talk hilarious and crack up but I was in too much pain to laugh. “Owe!” I screamed and reached my hand towards his face for a slap.

“No faces.” He said. ” I can’t look like I got in a fight at work.” That made sense.

We had sex intertwined with wrestling and lots of slapping. Oh and lots of dirty talk and getting called a “dirty slut.” The sex was good but I was in too much pain to enjoy it. I was having fun because I love fighting but at some points the ass slapping was so painful that I almost cried. And when I told him to stop, he didn’t take it seriously.

“Are you still going to Spencer’s party?” Asked my roommate, Meal.

“Yeah!” I invited Ryan but he had to get back to his girlfriend.

I walked into Spencer’s party covered in bruises. I had a nice story to tell my friends. And so did Meal. Ryan and I weren’t exactly quiet and Meal was mildly horrified by the noises coming from my room. She definitely gave me shit for it.

The next day I had to go see my family for Passover. When they asked about my bruises, I told them that I fell down the stairs

Have you ever had someone take something that you said that you liked too far?

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