Italian Guy in the Weed Closet

He was in a 3 year relationship with a girl in Italy that he cheated on regularly. Perfect for a rebound- its not like I wanted to date someone who hardly speaks English anyway but it makes for a hot hook up. 

I third-wheeled with Bitch Dani and her boyfriend Ian on Friday. We went to a frat house in Brooklyn called “The Chocolate Factory.”

charlie-and-the-chocolate-factory

It was an African American jazz frat. I was pretty set on having sex since it had been a month since Kyle and I broke up and I still hadn’t had a rebound. To be fair, I’d been out 2 nights since then- one with a grenade on a weekday and the other I had to leave early because my friend Spencer punched a guy and got us kicked out. But I was feeling pretty shitty and didn’t know if guys still wanted me. The fact that I was stuck next Dani and her boy slobbering on each other definitely amped up my desire.

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This is what Dani and Ian looked like

Unfortunately every guy was ugly and gay and Dani, my supposed wing-woman, was busy. So I chugged my 40 (I brought it myself because there was no way I was going  to drink jungle juice) and hoped I’d get drunk enough to be able to ignore the excessive PDA.

I thought that it would be easier to talk to someone in the weed closet where there were like 6 people smoking so I went inside. In the corner, there was a cute guy looking bored so I said my signature line, “you look bored.”

“My English is no good” he said with a thick Italian accent. Jackpot! We started making small talk to the best of his abilities. Stephano was a 25 year old musician who came to NY because Italy was boring. He was in a 3 year relationship with a girl in Italy that he cheated on regularly. Perfect for a rebound- it’s not like I wanted to date someone who hardly speaks English anyway but it makes for a hot hookup. Plus he was definitely going to be the only 25 year old at a freshman party. I was 20 but didn’t particularly want to sleep with some inexperienced 18 year old baby.

Our conversation was interrupted when my wing-woman came to help me out. She was pretty proud of herself for finding me a guy. Good on Dani.

Stephano and I decided to head to his place in Harlem. It turned out he lived right near my ex Ben’s who was the guy I dated before Kyle. But anyway, Stephano and I had sex, fell asleep, and I peed in his bed. He flipped the mattress, gave me some shorts and we went back to bed. Apparently it was no big deal, he took me to breakfast the next morning

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