Eskimo Brothers

octo patrick michael needed a bed The makeup was 70% guys, 30% girls when the night kicked off and the later it got, the more the female population dwindled. Not to mention the douche guys that went here always had the balls to ask a girl to go home with them.

penny f
This really is a picture of the Penny Farthing- 7:1 girl guy ratio here

I was only at the Penny Farthing, the bro bar across the street for me, because I wanted to give Michael my bed. 


My friend Michael and I were playing N64 at my place in Union Square earlier that night. It was getting late and he was tired and didn’t feel like commuting home to Brooklyn just to have to commute back to Manhattan to go to work in the morning. I told him that if he wanted, I’d go to the Penny Farthing and find a guy to go home with. He said that I didn’t have to but after a little persuasion that I didn’t mind, he climbed into my bed.

Upon entering the bar I met a decent looking guy named Patrick and he lived near me so I went home with him.

The next morning, I woke up looked out the window, and to my excitement, there was Tomkin Square Bagels right outside! I left without waking him to go get myself a bagel. Note: These are bomb bagels. If you’re in NYC, go here!!! 


Patrick tried to hit me up a bunch of times but he was just another finance bro who finished in 2 seconds and pat (no pun intended) himself on the back.

            3 months later…

I was at a bar with my friends on a Friday night when my guy friends decided that they were tired and decided to leave. Upon their departure, these two brahs swooped in and sat down. I spoke to 1 about birthright because I was planning on going on the trip. He had done Israel Outdoors which was the trip that I was planning on doing. He said that his group was “too hippie.” I was sort of a hippie so this didn’t bother me.

The brahs invited us back to their apartment to smoke weed but we declined so they stalked us to another bar. They were annoying but the birthright bro bought me enough Jamesons to persuade me to go home with him and the other bought my friend Lauren enough drinks for her to invite him back to her place. I had average bro sex that night- yawn.

I looked out the window in the morning and excitedly noticed Thomkin Square Bagels. Then I realized that I’d seen that view before! Suddenly it clicked. I asked the guy I was in bed with if he had a roommate named Pat because I thought that I’d been here before.

“EEEEEEWWWWW,” he exclaimed in a long, drawn out manner.

“I think that I made you Eskimo brothers!”


6 thoughts on “Eskimo Brothers

  1. Wow, this is amazingly funny! Thanks for stopping by on my blog earlier. In many ways it’s a gay version of yours it seems. My blog also has a Facebook page. Would it be okay if I shared your posts on there? (It has like 29 likes, but perhaps your posts could spice it up a little;))


  2. Ok yeah, I admit the eskimo brother concept creeps me out. I would feel bad for the poor bastards you’re writing about but it is really just the sex karma they deserve for putting in minimal effort.

    fucking slackers.


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