The Blonde Colombian

This was going to be my second Couchsurfing host named Sebastian. Sebastian was my favorite name growing up because I knew a hot Argentinean boy named Sebastian. I just couldn’t resist selecting Couchsurfing hosts with that name. In the US, nobody’s named Sebastian. I had to take advantage.

A ghostly pale, blonde guy opened the door for me. Was Sebastian even Colombian? I thought that I should probably start reading people’s profiles rather than selecting them based upon their name.

We introduced ourselves and he didn’t have an accent.

“Are you Colombian?” I blurted out.

“Why because I’m blonde?”

“Well yeah, but also, you don’t really have an accent.”

“If you haven’t noticed, people in Medellin look different from other Colombians. We are much lighter. I’m not the only blonde. And my family is Colombian but I was born in Austria. And I lived in Florida when I was younger. So my accent is not so strong.”

Sebastian showed me the room where I could put my stuff down. He had two extra rooms in his place! He explained that his family used to live in the apartment with him but they moved to Bogota for his father’s career. So now he utilized the spare rooms by hosting volunteers for some club that he was a member of and he had just begun hosting couchsurfers.

“Have you tried Aguardiente?” Sebastian asked.

“Yeah! I actually really like it! It seems like most Colombians don’t really like it though.”

“Yeah I’ve gotten too drunk off of it so many times.” Sebastian offered for me to help him finish off his rum. I’m not a big rum fan so I drank my half a glass of rum on the rocks pretty slowly.

I was staring at a photograph of a brunette boy in a picture frame.

“That’s my brother,” he said. “He looks much more Colombian than I do. I have a theory that when I was born in Austria, the mid-wife switched me with another baby.” I examined Sebastian’s 2 pools of water, his porcelain skin, and his fine bleached blonde hair. He definitely looked much more Austrian than Colombian. “In Austria, they didn’t even have doctors or nurses handling us. Just midwives.” I wondered if maybe his mother had just had an affair but I wasn’t going to say that.

Eventually he suggested that we purchase some aguardiente.

“But I thought that you don’t like it.” I protested.

“I do sometimes.” I think that he was just trying to appease me. When we arrived at the bodega, he ordered us the sugarless kind because he said the sugar one gives people hangovers. I preferred that anyway. He asked for the plastic shot glasses with the Aguartiente.

When we got back he poured us each a shot. “We call this guardo,” he said. The “d” sound was practically non-existent so it sounded like “guaro,” but it was spelled “guardo.” ” And we like to drink it out of these cheap shot glasses.”


“That’s a huge carton!” I exclaimed. I hadn’t really noticed that before. Some guy told me that if you open a bottle, you have to finish it. Is that true?”

“Somebody wanted to get you drunk,” he smiled.

“Well it didn’t matter. The guy ended up getting wasted and breaking and spilling most of the bottle.”

“Prost,” Sebastian said lifting his shot.

“Prost,” I said and we downed the guardo.

“The 1st shot is easy. The second 1 is the hardest and then the third is better,” he explained.

“I don’t know. I think that they get worst every shot. But I agree that the 1st one is the best.”

“It’s my cousin’s birthday and she wants me to go to a club in a mall. Would you want to come?”

“Sure. It’s in a mall?”

“Yeah there’s a mall and the top floor is all clubs.”

We drank a few more guardo shots and headed to the club. His cousin and her friends were upstairs in the VIP section. The club seemed like any club in the US. It was definitely the most similar to the US of anywhere that I’d been in Colombia. His cousin and all of her friends that were girls were beautiful. I could definitely see why people said that Colombian girls were hot being amongst this group. But the guys were definitely unimpressive. They were short and looked really young. I was beginning to appreciate Sebastian’s Austrian appearance. He had the sexual Latin personality but without the looks. And his dance moves were on point. We went downstairs to get drinks. Sebastian bought him, his cousin and her friend a birthday shot. I got a red bull vodka because I was really tired.

We went upstairs and everyone gave me a hard time about not dancing. I really hate dancing but I did appreciate the fact that everyone spoke English. I felt pretty awkward so I kept heading to the bar to get more drinks. Sebastian was a great dancer!

The next time that I went to the bar, some guy with dreads started to bother me. I politely displayed disinterest and his friend came up to me in attempts to wingman. I explained to his friend that I don’t like dancing so I wasn’t going to dance with anyone. But then the friend of dreads and I started talking about our travels. He was pretty cool! He could tell that his wingman attempt was a fail though so he went back to dreads boy.

A bit later I was on the bathroom line and dread boy’s friend came upstairs and got on the bathroom line beside me. We talk about our travels in Colombia so far.

brown out

The next thing I remember was Sebastian and his cousin doing synchronized dance moves. It was so adorable. He was making her so happy. Later I told him that I was really tired and asked if we could leave soon. He agreed and we headed out.

I just remember thinking that he was probably the hottest Colombian that I would meet since he didn’t look Colombian but had the Colombian dance moves and sex appeal. And the next morning when I woke up in the bed in the other room I could vaguely remember having sex with him.


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