Anus

anus pic

Mac and I chose to start our first night out in Copenhagen with some beers. We went to 7/11 and Mac told me that he would pay for a beer and I would walk out with one. If anyone said anything, I would tell them that Mac told me that he’d buy my beer for me. I didn’t like the sound of this plan and I told him that I wanted to switch roles. Mac walked out with his beer without paying, I walked out with mine after having paid. It wasn’t much of a plan on my end. All that happened was that I bought a beer. He wouldn’t pay me 1/2 because I hadn’t risked anything. 

Mac pointed out how many attractive people there were in Copenhagen. It was true. The streets were filled with young, blonde, beautiful people. It looked like everyone was part of the Cullen family

cullens.

Unfortunately the streets were also freezing and I was in a high waisted skirt and crop top. I told Mac that I would help him with his mission; finding a wife, if he would help me with my mission; finding a jacket. He hesitantly agreed. He was beginning to doubt my ability to hook him up. He told me that tended to look out for myself more so than him. I apologized and told him that tonight I would focus on hooking him up.

The first place we went to was a surfer bar. Immediately, a cute blonde boy starts talking to me and complimenting me. I tried to include Mac in the conversation but the boy didn’t even look over at Mac. Mac didn’t seem to happy and said that he was going to leave this bar. I was hoping that the guy was going to buy me a drink but I wanted to be a good friend and told the guy I was going to leave too. The boy didn’t want me to leave. But I did.

Next we went to a small, classy bar. Mac saw a hot woman and I told him to talk to her. He didn’t so I went over to her and asked her where she recommended that I go out in Copenhagen. She said that her favorite bar was the one that we were at. She was with a friend who said the same. I asked her if she was from Copenhagen. She wasn’t. She was formerly model from an Eastern European country. I gave her a once over. She was very pretty. She had long, blonde, curled hair, blue eyes, freckles, and a tall, slender build. Her friend was also pretty. She was brunette with green eyes and a similar frame. I looked around for Mac. He was waiting outside the bar. So I thanked the woman and headed over to Mac.

“Why didn’t you come over?” I asked. “I was talking to the girl that you thought was hot for you. She used to be a model. She’s so your type.”

“You’re supposed to build me up. You say that you have a really cool friend that’s going to be meeting us her and then you come and get me. And you should hug me.”

“I told you, I’m not touching you. You’re creepy.” I said

“This is exactly the problem, said Mac. You can’t go around with that attitude as a good wing man. You have to be friendly touchy.”

“Well I was talking to those girls for you just fine. It’s much more natural if you just come over.”

“No, it’s better if you talk me up so they know that I’m a good guy. Anyway, she’s too old for me now that I look at her again.”

She was probably around 30. “You’re ridiculous,” I told him. Mac had told me that I was too old for him and I was 23. But then again, he made fun of me all the time for getting carded everywhere in Europe because I looked so young.

Next we went to this street with a bunch of bars and people on the street. Mac started talking to a couple of girls on the street and I figured that he was doing well so I told him that I was going to go inside the bar. Upstairs, there was a football table.

I was watching some guys play and they invited me to join so I did. I love playing games at bars as opposed to just standing around. I asked the guys what their names were. One of the guys said “Anus.”

“What? Sorry I dont think that I heard you.” I said laughing a bit.

“Anus.” He said. Apparently it was spelled like “Anders,” but for all I knew, his name was Anus.

The next morning, I woke up in Anus’s dorm room on his perfectly chiseled, baby soft chest. It was CHEST PERFECTION. It radiated heat in freezing cold Copenhagen. I could feel my nipples tingling. My head fit perfectly in the dip between his two pecks. My stomach leaned against his hip bone which was padded for my comfort with surrounding muscles. Those V lines though. Laying on a human is different than laying on even the most comfortable foam mattress. A human doesn’t just sink and collapse into you, a human can actually fit your body while staying firm. That was Anus. I never wanted to move.

We had some excellent morning sex. After, he wanted to lie in bed with me but I told him that I wanted to explore. He suggested that we hang out again. We exchanged facebook information and I headed out.

On my walk back to the yoga studio I saw a statue of two girls. For some reason only their crotches were wet.

Happy country, happy statues?
Happy country, happy statues?

julian map

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